We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
