I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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