Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
