i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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