If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
