wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
