frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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