"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The best revenge is premature balding
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
