Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
