all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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