i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
