I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
