Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
