Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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