I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
