In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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