Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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