I just threw up on my dentist
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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