That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
