I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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