I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
