What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
