At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
