Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
