You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
