I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
