the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
