Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
