I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
