At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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