i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
