I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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