11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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