he puts the penis in happiness.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
