I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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