And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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