You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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