I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
