We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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