All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
