i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
