So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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