my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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