Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
