Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
