i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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