im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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