he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
