OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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