wakey wakey hands off snakey
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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