Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
