Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
